FEBRUARY '16

Frights Group presents...

FEBRUARY FIGHTS '16

(The one with action movies.)

Avenging Force (1986) - This is the "real movie" of the bunch. It was made by the right honorable Cannon Films and not a pack of suicidal yahoos like our usual stock-in-trade. Appears Dudikoff has to roll into the forest and mash some heavily armed Republicans who are pulling some "Most Dangerous Game" shit on immigrants and whatnot.

Death Promise (1977) - We were supposed to watch this a while back and people were like, "Naw. This crosses the line. Too shitty." Well, gentlemen, the reprieve is over and this shit's still here. It's time to FACE THE PROMISE.

Final Score (1986) - Look, goddammit. I had to order this thing from the goddamn Netherlands on goddamn DVD -- not even Blu-ray. It's never been released in the U.S. in any form -- probably cause it's so goddamn good. Point is, I've already decided it's awesome no matter what. We're all gonna watch it and say it was worth it as hell. On the encouraging side, we watched a film by this director (his full name: Arizal) called The Stabilizer a few years back and it had people crashing through windows on motorcycles in like every other scene.

Kill Squad (1982) - From the director of Parole Violators (see below). Sean Donahue is in there too, way down the credits list, presumably just wearing different wigs and playing every henchman who gets violently disrespected against a car.

Parole Violators (1994) - We watched it last night. It fucking owned. Sean Donahue will take a fall from any height as long as there's a nice soft derelict vehicle around to catch him. Basically there's Buster Keaton and there's this dude. Highest rating.

Road to Revenge (aka GetEven) (1993) - In the early 90s, a trial lawyer named John De Hart decided he could no longer go on depriving action cinema of his ample charisma and physical prowess. So he got out his fucking checkbook. And an infamous brain melt was born. Check yourselves before this one, gentleman. Truly: "Abandon all hope, ye who enter here."

FRIGHTS (AND FIGHTS). SINCE 2008, STUFFING MOVIES IN YOUR EYES YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS WATCHING.