FIGHTS!

October Frights presents...

FEBRUARY FIGHTS 

If some shit starts, the Frights team is ready to throw down. We do action movies now!

BUDDIES

The Dion Brothers (1974) - Stacey Keach and Frederic Forrest are the titular brothers in this long lost buddy-scoundrel comedy gem.

Freebie and the Bean (1974) - 70s buddy-cop bliss! A classic R-rated goof-off. Finally (semi) available in glorious widescreen (via Warner Archive).

Running Scared (1986) - Gregory Hines and Billy Crystal did buddy-cops in the 80s, only to be practically erased from history a year later by the mighty Lethal Weapon.

 DUDES

Charley Varrick (1973) - Matthau toplines this bad boy, runs around the desert with a bunch of mob money. Check him on that poster. He's like, "I got this."

Johnny Handsome (1989) - Largely unseen Walter Hill joint starring Mickey Rourke. This was right before we lost him for like two decades.

The Soldier (1982) - "You don't assign him. You unleash him." Some of that 80s magic where terrorists are starting some shit and only one man can stop them.

TEENAGERS

If Looks Could Kill (1991) - This favorite of my nine-year-old self escaped onto DVD only recently via Warner's burn-on-demand service. I don't want to over-hype it, but it's easily Richard Grieco's best work pre-Night at the Roxbury.

Never Too Young to Die (1986) - Another from the "wasn't allowed to rent it when I was a kid" pile. Gene Simmons is a hermaphrodite terrorist. John Stamos (Stamos!) steps up to take him down because -- wait for it -- he's a high school gymnast. I can't wait to watch this piece of shit.

 

Rad (1986) - This, on the other hand, is from the "I saw the living shit out of it when I was a kid" pile. It's about a kid training for a really hard BMX race (the "Helltrack"). The sound of, "Next on HBO...Rad," was like hearing, "We will now celebrate your birthday again, for the hell of it."

LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT: STALLONE

Cobra (1986) - See the poster? Yeah, you get it.

Lock Up (1989) - Sly in the joint, vs. evil warden Donald Sutherland.

Nighthawks (1981) - A key early Stallone film where he has a beard.

OTHER GUYS

Bulletproof (1988) - Busey as the hero! Look at him in that letterman's jacket, no doubt getting ready to make a wisecrack. This looks good.

Dead Bang (1989) - Don Johnson in a John Frankenheimer film I've never even heard of. I only read as far as, "They killed his partner on Christmas Eve," and I booked it.

Excessive Force (1993) - Thomas Ian Griffith? And he wrote it? Yeah, they gave it a shot. This shit was in theaters!

OFFICIAL SELECTIONS

Best of the Best (1989) - I considered making us watch all of the Best of the Best films, but then I figured, let's save something for July Fights.

Fortress (1992) - Christopher Lambert breaks out of a futuristic prison. Latexy gore effects are involved. From Frights idol Stuart Gordon.

Miracle Mile (1988) - Cult film where Anthony Edwards picks up a ringing payphone and is told that the a nuclear war will start in 70 minutes.

Shakedown (1988) - Peter Weller and Sam Elliott take on an army of crooked cops. Classic tagline: "Whatever you do...don't call the cops." Also notable for being made during the best phase of Elliott's hair.

Showdown in Little Tokyo (1991) - Dolph Lundgren and Brandon Lee. I don't know if they're friends or enemies or what in this, but that poster is making a lot of promises. From Mark Lester, director of Fights favorite Class of 1984.

War Dog (1986) - Fans of The Stabilizer take note. This is Official Selections' own nutbar, a coked out Swedish squibfest. Holds some kind of record for number of innocent bystanders mowed down.

THIS WEEKEND, FIGHT!

HH'10

Frights Group presents...

HOLIDAY HORRORS '10

We're doing things a little differently this year. There aren't enough unwatched holiday themed horror titles out there to fill an all-new slate (we've covered all the good ones -- and all the shittiest), so we're raiding the Horrors vault. From the list of favorites below, request the ones  you want in the draw. Any title that gets a vote goes in -- and we won't watch it without you. We do have a handful of new offerings, which are automatically in.

TURKEY TIME

 

Blood Rage (1987) - Witness the dumb and bloody Thanksgiving rampage of dorky, blonde, v-neck-sweatered twins Terry and/or Todd in this grisly forgotten turd-gem. Gorehounds, vote yes.

Home Sweet Home (1981) - Legendary Horrors classic where the Body By Jake guy does PCP, walks around a lot and kills a bunch of people that may or may not be a family on a day that may or may not be Thanksgiving. Shot in three days. Borderline avante garde.

The Granny (1995) - Several of you missed this at its riotous October Frights '10 screening, so we're sneaking it into Horrors for an encore. A combination of stupidity, latexy gore and awkward nudity that's basically the reason Frights exists.

Thankskilling (2009) - Last year's premiere was so goddamned beer-soaked that I don't remember if anyone missed it. If you did, here's your chance.

The House of Yes (1997) *Premiere* - That movie where Parker Posey is holding a gun on the cover. Turns out it takes place on Thanksgiving.

CHRISTMAS CLASSICS

 Bad Santa (2003) - Billy Bob at his best, playing a character whose soul is dogshit.

It's a Wonderful Life (1946) - The Ultimate.

The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993) - I remember seeing this in the theater on opening day and being like, "Wait, what? There's singing?"

Scrooged (1988) - Don't worry. Here at Frights, we blitz the fucking STOP button before that piece of shit singalong part over the end credits. So it's all gravy.

The Ref (1994) *Premiere* - I'm gonna be honest and say I have no idea if this is worth a shit. I haven't seen it since the theater and I may have only liked it then cause Denis Leary said "fuck" a lot.

HOLIDAY HORRORS

Black Christmas (1974) - Pick up the phone, IT'S BILLY! The classic.

Christmas Evil (1980) - Moss Garcia, you will receive your comeuppance, you little shitass.

Day of the Beast (1995) - Spanish classic featuring a priest and a metalhead joining forces to stop the arrival of Satan.

Don't Open Till Christmas (1984) - Probably the itchiest, oiliest thing to ever happen in the UK. Santa castration.

Gremlins (1984) - Hey, look, it was the same year as "Don't Open Till Christmas." Spielberg insisted on no castration here.

Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984) - Jesus, look at 1984 go. People were really like, "Fuck Christmas," that year. The trash classic.

Iced (1988) *Premiere* - There were shitloads of snow on the slopes and up the filmmakers' noses for this low end ski slasher. Yes, this is what we've come to.

LUMPS OF COAL

Elves (1989) - Features Dan Haggerty in a Frights Hall of Fame performance that many have called "the drunkest of his career." Also notable for the bold artistic choice of making the elf creature (singular) about as articulated as a bean bag chair. Really something special.

Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 (1987) -Behold the wonderment of Eric Freeman's tour de force performance or else he will get all "IT'S GARBAGE DAY" on your ignorant ass. He basically reinvents acting here. His eyebrow work alone renders the entire history of drama irrelevant. What I'm saying is, WATCH THIS PIECE OF SHIT.

Santa Claws (1996) *Premiere* - There's really nothing good to be said here. Let's just wade through it. Or maybe Santa will let it fall off the lineup.

STOCKING STUFFERS

Campfire Tales: The Fright Before Xmas (1991) - It's the Christmas segment from the bargain basement anthology (and Frights alumnus) Campfire Tales, featuring the dreaded Satan Clause. By request, we can also watch the segment where smoking weed makes people melt.

Junky's Christmas (1993) - A beloved Horrors staple.

Tales from the Darkside: Seasons of Belief (1986) - If you vote for this, you know who will come to get you...THE GRITHER!

Twilight Zone: Night of the Meek (1959) *Premiere* - We're honored to have Rod Serling join the Horrors family.

THIS SHIT STARTS NEXT WEEK

ASIAN FREAKOUT SIDEBAR

This year's vintage Asian freakout is...

House (1977) - We showed this bootleg-style back at October Frights '09 and attendance was nil despite it being pretty much the awesomest thing on that whole slate. For the occasion of Frights '10, the good folks at Criterion have been gracious enough to release the fucker ON BLU-RAY (!) and if you don't show up this time, we're gonna shred your membership card.

PREMIERES

Confirmed to date:

Premiere #1 is a nasty Australian nightmare. The ladies are gonna freak for this.

Premiere #2 is a remake of an old Frights fave.

Premiere #3 is the sickest thing Frights has ever shown. It's unsuitable for viewing by humans, animals, particles floating in the air...really any lifeform. It's also awesome.

AND MORE TO COME...

MAIN SLATE

Frights Group presents...

OCTOBER FRIGHTS '10

Some of these are almost borderline decent. The rest are at least violent. Or have violent themes and/or adult situations. I mean, it could be argued.

KILLER PARENTS

Last April, Killer Kiddies had their way. Now Mom and Dad get a turn.

 

American Gothic (1987) - When I was a kid, I asked my parents, "What's going on in that box art with those old people?" They were like, "We're thinking of sending you to military school."

 

Flesh Eating Mothers (1988) - Yeah, yeah, it looks fucking cheesy. But come on.  The idea of a Killer Parents section? On paper? Gold.

The Granny (1995) - On the other hand, zero cheese here. Looks like straight gravy to me. Maybe I'll stash this one until mid-October, when Frights-exhaustion threatens to take hold.

PETEY!

I tried to talk Olive into doing this section at April Frights '10, but she insisted on full-blown October.

Dogs (1976) - I love how, in this picture, they show five dogs, but only two of them actually look aggressive. Or even interested.

The Pack (1977) - A lost gem (never on DVD) in which a bunch of pissed off dogs attack a cabin and Joe Don Baker fucking handles it.

Play Dead (1986) - Apparently, this one is not just a killer dog, but a magical killer dog. I don't know. I booked it as soon as I read the "killer" part.

THE WOODS

This shit is set in the woods. Two of them feature George Kennedy. Like the man says, "Drink this and stop being a pussy."

Demonwarp (1988) - As you can see from the cover, George is laying it down huge in this one. He's fighting some kind of Bigfoot creature, but then it looks like the creature is handling dynamite? Kennedywarp.

 

Grotesque (1988) - How did this film (notably lacking George Kennedy) make the lineup? Look at the cover. That's how. Somebody drew that years ago and because of it, we're watching this piece of shit today.

Humongous (1982) - Again with the cover art. I picked up this box every time I went to the video store as a kid. Was never allowed to rent it. It's time to finally be disappointed by the actual movie.

Just Before Dawn (1981) - Kennedy film #2! This is just straight slasher goodness right here. It's fucking packed with vitamins.

Shriek of the Mutilated (1974) - This one has a Bigfoot. Or maybe it's an Abominable Snowman. It just looks like some doofus wearing tons of gear on a ski trip. Regardless, Sasquatch genre.

REVENGE OF SHITFEST

No one is excused this year. If it gets pulled, it gets watched.

Jack-O (1995) - This one mysteriously fell off the lineup last October. It won't happen again. Time to take your stupid pumpkinhead medicine.

Nightbeast (1982) - Jesus. What can be said? The creature in that picture irritates people in Baltimore.

Revenge of Billy the Kid (1992) - "Old McDonald had a farm...and on the farm he had a goat." Billy was born and now it's our problem.

Truth or Dare?: A Critical Madness (1986) - A lock for the Frights '10 "Nutbar" award. Gorey, gonzo shot-on-video trash. Just looking at it for more than like 10 seconds literally hurts your eyes.


REVENGE OF OFFICIAL SELECTIONS
Frights' cool, calm center of semi-reasonably solid shit.

  



The Borrower (1991) - Another gem that's MIA on DVD. I remember this being fun and Josh giving it a thumbs up. I think he dozed off during parts though.

The Brain (1988) - So what if it belongs in Shitfest? Have you looked at that section? It's fucking crowded this year. I had the issue of Fangoria with gore shots from this film, but my mom confiscated it and scribbled over the pics with a black marker. So who knows. This is her fault.

The Convent (2000) - A splattery goof with teens fighting demonic nuns. Note: first appearance of Coolio in Frights. Finally.

Ghosthouse (1988) - Haunted house trash made by Justin's Italian ancestors. Clown doll!

Humanoids from the Deep (1980) - Quite possibly the bloodiest and horniest of Roger Corman's 70s-80s horror ripoffs. Please no rape complaints from female Frights fans. I mean, come on. They're rubber suit monsters.

 

Night of the Demons 3 (1997) - We've come this far in the passable low-end gore series and no complaints yet. Though I'm not gonna lie -- the 1997 date on this third and final chapter is goddamn terrifying.

The Sleeping Car (1990) - Young Chad read the "Forget Freddy, forget Jason" tagline on the box as, "This is some hardcore shit and you are not old enough to watch it." I am now old enough.

Tales from the Hood (1995) - Yeah, I know. You've been reading down this whole page, thinking, "What gives...where's the anthology?" Well here it is, and bonus -- it's mid-to-decent level.

The Unnamable II: The Statement of Randolph Carter (1993) - No, that title is not fake. If you were at the now-legendary April Frights '10 screening of the first one, then you know how mind-blowing it is that Randolph Carter, one of the most pathetic losers in the history of cinema, is back to lead a second film. Historic.




WARNING: FRIGHTS IS NOT RESPONSIBLE IF YOU DIE FROM IT.

OPENING FILM

October Frights '10 will open with...

THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE: FIRST SEQUENCE (2010)

The most talked-about horror film of the year is the first of a very select group of contemporary titles getting the Frights treatment this October.  The rest will be shown unannounced, but hints will be posted following the full lineup, which is almost here.  It's creeping up the stairs...