APRIL'11

October Frights presents...

APRIL FRIGHTS '11

We're back with the carnage candy.

KILLER MONKEYS

First there were Killer Kiddies, then Killer Parents. You knew monkeys were coming.

Link (1986) - I've always loved that artwork, but it never dawned on me why this movie would be called Link until literally one minute ago. For some reason, I'm less excited about it now.

Primal Rage (1988) - I don't get if this is about a killer monkey or a dude who's turning into a monkey or what, but either way, it looks awesome. And it was made by Italians, so it's probably stupid and bloody.

Shakma (1990) - Instant Replay, the video store of my youth, for some reason had an "18 or Older" sticker on this movie. Pretty sure it's not living up to that shit.

OLD "SCHOOL" SLASHERS

Who doesn't love one of these? In the grand tradition of last October's Slaughter High, we give you the "more" you asked for.

The Dorm That Dripped Blood (1982) - An itchy, oily golden-era slasher, newly restored and uncut -- and on blu-ray(!) -- from our good friends at Synapse Films. I just hope they don't mess with that special "shot through a screen door" look.

Graduation Day (1981) - One of those pieces of shit that just fits the program really well.

The Redeemer: Son of Satan (1978) - It's also known as Class Reunion Massacre, which seems like a good sign. I rented it on VHS way back and never watched it and had to pay a late fee, so I'm going in with a grudge.

MIND MELTERS

When Truth or Dare?: A Critical Madness scrambled brains and stole hearts last October, we realized that late '80s no-budget nutbars have aged to peak flavor RIGHT NOW.

Don't Panic (1988) - Gonzo Mexican ripoff of Nightmare on Elm Street. The picture is so video-y that it feels like it's exfoliating your eyeballs.

Killing Spree (1987) - No way this shit was ever supposed to get past VHS. Look at the box art. It's like it's sweating.

Splatter Farm (1987) - Jesus. This artwork makes me think of when I was a kid and videos like "Man in the Box" would come on MTV and I'd be like, "Why is this like this? I feel unhappy."

SHITFEST: CREATURE DOUBLE FEATURE

Just be happy there are only two.

Spookies (1986) - If I had painted that cover, I would have been like, "I just slam dunked my goal of achieving something in life. Time to take it easy."

Things (1989) - Watching this makes you thirsty for cheap, metallic-tasting beer. The shame of Canada.

TERRIBLE TWO'S

Part two's that don't get much play. Maybe for good reason.

The Fly II (1989) - Pretty sure this movie is minor Fitzgerald, but it brings it with the makeup effects. That gets you in the door around here.

Fright Night Part II (1988) - Probably not good, right? You can't even get this thing in widescreen unless you trade some dork for it like I did.

Maniac Cop 2 (1990) - Maniac Cop 1 was some dainty Merchant Ivory type shit. Word is, the series sacks up in this one.

OFFICIAL SELECTIONS

The creamy goodness.

Amsterdamned (1988) - Dutch slasher with a scuba diver killer. Tough call.

Anguish (1987) - I've already watched this and it's good. At the beginning, it says it's hypnotizing you, which seems stupid, but then your eyes start itching and feeling like they're being poked. And I kept thinking I was seeing a bug crawl up the wall. Recommended.

Cthulhu Mansion (1992) - The hate mail for The Unnamable 1 and 2 just dried up, so we're clear for another H.P. Lovecraft joint. This one's from two-time Frights Palme d'Or winner (for Pieces and Slugs) J.P. Simon. Should at least be splattery.

Killer Workout (1987) - Since Frights is always getting requests for "more movies like Death Spa," here's this. Action fans note, it is no-shit from director of Deadly fuckin Prey.

The Rejuvenator (1988) - Man, doesn't this make you wish you could go to the video store and shit like this would be the new stuff on the Horror rack? We used to have it all. What the hell happened?

Without Warning (1980) - And finally, the return of Greydon Clark, the director of The Uninvited, the only film to ever have an encore screening at Frights. This time, there's no sock puppet cat creature, but there is an alien that looks like a pile of hockey gear.

THESE FILMS WILL INJURE YOU.

FIGHTS!

October Frights presents...

FEBRUARY FIGHTS 

If some shit starts, the Frights team is ready to throw down. We do action movies now!

BUDDIES

The Dion Brothers (1974) - Stacey Keach and Frederic Forrest are the titular brothers in this long lost buddy-scoundrel comedy gem.

Freebie and the Bean (1974) - 70s buddy-cop bliss! A classic R-rated goof-off. Finally (semi) available in glorious widescreen (via Warner Archive).

Running Scared (1986) - Gregory Hines and Billy Crystal did buddy-cops in the 80s, only to be practically erased from history a year later by the mighty Lethal Weapon.

 DUDES

Charley Varrick (1973) - Matthau toplines this bad boy, runs around the desert with a bunch of mob money. Check him on that poster. He's like, "I got this."

Johnny Handsome (1989) - Largely unseen Walter Hill joint starring Mickey Rourke. This was right before we lost him for like two decades.

The Soldier (1982) - "You don't assign him. You unleash him." Some of that 80s magic where terrorists are starting some shit and only one man can stop them.

TEENAGERS

If Looks Could Kill (1991) - This favorite of my nine-year-old self escaped onto DVD only recently via Warner's burn-on-demand service. I don't want to over-hype it, but it's easily Richard Grieco's best work pre-Night at the Roxbury.

Never Too Young to Die (1986) - Another from the "wasn't allowed to rent it when I was a kid" pile. Gene Simmons is a hermaphrodite terrorist. John Stamos (Stamos!) steps up to take him down because -- wait for it -- he's a high school gymnast. I can't wait to watch this piece of shit.

 

Rad (1986) - This, on the other hand, is from the "I saw the living shit out of it when I was a kid" pile. It's about a kid training for a really hard BMX race (the "Helltrack"). The sound of, "Next on HBO...Rad," was like hearing, "We will now celebrate your birthday again, for the hell of it."

LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT: STALLONE

Cobra (1986) - See the poster? Yeah, you get it.

Lock Up (1989) - Sly in the joint, vs. evil warden Donald Sutherland.

Nighthawks (1981) - A key early Stallone film where he has a beard.

OTHER GUYS

Bulletproof (1988) - Busey as the hero! Look at him in that letterman's jacket, no doubt getting ready to make a wisecrack. This looks good.

Dead Bang (1989) - Don Johnson in a John Frankenheimer film I've never even heard of. I only read as far as, "They killed his partner on Christmas Eve," and I booked it.

Excessive Force (1993) - Thomas Ian Griffith? And he wrote it? Yeah, they gave it a shot. This shit was in theaters!

OFFICIAL SELECTIONS

Best of the Best (1989) - I considered making us watch all of the Best of the Best films, but then I figured, let's save something for July Fights.

Fortress (1992) - Christopher Lambert breaks out of a futuristic prison. Latexy gore effects are involved. From Frights idol Stuart Gordon.

Miracle Mile (1988) - Cult film where Anthony Edwards picks up a ringing payphone and is told that the a nuclear war will start in 70 minutes.

Shakedown (1988) - Peter Weller and Sam Elliott take on an army of crooked cops. Classic tagline: "Whatever you do...don't call the cops." Also notable for being made during the best phase of Elliott's hair.

Showdown in Little Tokyo (1991) - Dolph Lundgren and Brandon Lee. I don't know if they're friends or enemies or what in this, but that poster is making a lot of promises. From Mark Lester, director of Fights favorite Class of 1984.

War Dog (1986) - Fans of The Stabilizer take note. This is Official Selections' own nutbar, a coked out Swedish squibfest. Holds some kind of record for number of innocent bystanders mowed down.

THIS WEEKEND, FIGHT!

HH'10

Frights Group presents...

HOLIDAY HORRORS '10

We're doing things a little differently this year. There aren't enough unwatched holiday themed horror titles out there to fill an all-new slate (we've covered all the good ones -- and all the shittiest), so we're raiding the Horrors vault. From the list of favorites below, request the ones  you want in the draw. Any title that gets a vote goes in -- and we won't watch it without you. We do have a handful of new offerings, which are automatically in.

TURKEY TIME

 

Blood Rage (1987) - Witness the dumb and bloody Thanksgiving rampage of dorky, blonde, v-neck-sweatered twins Terry and/or Todd in this grisly forgotten turd-gem. Gorehounds, vote yes.

Home Sweet Home (1981) - Legendary Horrors classic where the Body By Jake guy does PCP, walks around a lot and kills a bunch of people that may or may not be a family on a day that may or may not be Thanksgiving. Shot in three days. Borderline avante garde.

The Granny (1995) - Several of you missed this at its riotous October Frights '10 screening, so we're sneaking it into Horrors for an encore. A combination of stupidity, latexy gore and awkward nudity that's basically the reason Frights exists.

Thankskilling (2009) - Last year's premiere was so goddamned beer-soaked that I don't remember if anyone missed it. If you did, here's your chance.

The House of Yes (1997) *Premiere* - That movie where Parker Posey is holding a gun on the cover. Turns out it takes place on Thanksgiving.

CHRISTMAS CLASSICS

 Bad Santa (2003) - Billy Bob at his best, playing a character whose soul is dogshit.

It's a Wonderful Life (1946) - The Ultimate.

The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993) - I remember seeing this in the theater on opening day and being like, "Wait, what? There's singing?"

Scrooged (1988) - Don't worry. Here at Frights, we blitz the fucking STOP button before that piece of shit singalong part over the end credits. So it's all gravy.

The Ref (1994) *Premiere* - I'm gonna be honest and say I have no idea if this is worth a shit. I haven't seen it since the theater and I may have only liked it then cause Denis Leary said "fuck" a lot.

HOLIDAY HORRORS

Black Christmas (1974) - Pick up the phone, IT'S BILLY! The classic.

Christmas Evil (1980) - Moss Garcia, you will receive your comeuppance, you little shitass.

Day of the Beast (1995) - Spanish classic featuring a priest and a metalhead joining forces to stop the arrival of Satan.

Don't Open Till Christmas (1984) - Probably the itchiest, oiliest thing to ever happen in the UK. Santa castration.

Gremlins (1984) - Hey, look, it was the same year as "Don't Open Till Christmas." Spielberg insisted on no castration here.

Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984) - Jesus, look at 1984 go. People were really like, "Fuck Christmas," that year. The trash classic.

Iced (1988) *Premiere* - There were shitloads of snow on the slopes and up the filmmakers' noses for this low end ski slasher. Yes, this is what we've come to.

LUMPS OF COAL

Elves (1989) - Features Dan Haggerty in a Frights Hall of Fame performance that many have called "the drunkest of his career." Also notable for the bold artistic choice of making the elf creature (singular) about as articulated as a bean bag chair. Really something special.

Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 (1987) -Behold the wonderment of Eric Freeman's tour de force performance or else he will get all "IT'S GARBAGE DAY" on your ignorant ass. He basically reinvents acting here. His eyebrow work alone renders the entire history of drama irrelevant. What I'm saying is, WATCH THIS PIECE OF SHIT.

Santa Claws (1996) *Premiere* - There's really nothing good to be said here. Let's just wade through it. Or maybe Santa will let it fall off the lineup.

STOCKING STUFFERS

Campfire Tales: The Fright Before Xmas (1991) - It's the Christmas segment from the bargain basement anthology (and Frights alumnus) Campfire Tales, featuring the dreaded Satan Clause. By request, we can also watch the segment where smoking weed makes people melt.

Junky's Christmas (1993) - A beloved Horrors staple.

Tales from the Darkside: Seasons of Belief (1986) - If you vote for this, you know who will come to get you...THE GRITHER!

Twilight Zone: Night of the Meek (1959) *Premiere* - We're honored to have Rod Serling join the Horrors family.

THIS SHIT STARTS NEXT WEEK