Friday, November 18, 2011


Frights Group presents...


Blood Rage aka Nightmare at Shadow Woods (1987) - In the nascent days of Holiday Horrors, we screened this lost slasher gem and fell fast in love with how graphic and protracted the death scenes are and how fucking goofy everything else in the movie is. It became an instant perennial -- even though it takes place on the holiday for no apparent reason other than the line, "That's not cranberry sauce!!!" Problem is, it's damn hard to see this film in all its inexplicably ultraviolent glory. There's a cheapie DVD release (now out of print) that's actually decent looking, but it has severe cuts in all the kill scenes, so we've been stuck with a dark, smeary, jerky-motion rip of the last fully uncut release of the film -- an 80s VHS from Prism Entertainment. But that shit's over now. Approximately 11 months ago, the brain trust at Horrors headquarters finally cracked the manual on Final Cut Pro and went to work painstakingly reinserting every VHS frame of censored carnage candy into the nice, clean looking DVD transfer. This Monday, November 21st, we're premiering our finished product: a complete cut -- of watchable quality -- of this dopey, blood-drenched, sweater-vested Horrors classic. 


Friday, September 23, 2011


Frights Group presents...


The horror trash event of the year.


Where quality goes to be killed.

The Baby (1973) - This oily squirmfest involves a 21 year old dude who acts like a baby. Poster art indicates that a hatchet is also involved. Severin Films recently gave it the deluxe DVD treatment, but I'm inclined to pop in a busted up vhs copy with, like, chocolate fingerprints and hair stuck to it for the Frights showing.

  The Basement (1986) - When the people at Camp Motion Pictures say, "Hey Frights, we found a goofy looking, never before released anthology that some guy shot on Super 8 in 1986 with no money," I hand them my fucking credit card.

Death Warmed Up (1984) - Like the box says, winner of the Grand Prix at the International Festival of Fantasy and Science Fiction. Not exactly a lightweight. Plus that green "Horror" sticker is coming with an attitude like, "SHOW ME IN YOUR FESTIVAL, ASSHOLE." I like it.

Screamtime (1986) - Scummy looking anthology made by British people. One of the stories has a killer puppet. Also,  in case you haven't noticed, "anthology" is like a password around here that gets you in a special side door straight to the VIP room. I mean, shit, we broke out the red carpet for Deadtime Stories.

The Slayer (1982) - That picture up top with the skeleton creature with fangs? It came from this movie. Let's not overthink it.

Shitfest presents: Jack-O (1995) - I put this piece of shit on the roster every Halloween and we never actually watch it. We probably won't watch it this year either. God I hate this movie. "It's harvest time." Fuck you.


Sarah's always asking if any of the Frights are "scary but not bloody." Here's a couple of films she can maybe actually enjoy. To the hardcore Frights fans: Just hang in there a minute. You're probably only a film or two away from someone getting their face jammed in a paper shredder.

Ghostwatch (1992) - Every time there's a weird noise or something in our apartment, Sarah says, "It's Pipes! It's Pipes!"  But she's never even seen this goddamned movie. In related news, this movie is awesome.

The Monster Squad (1987) - What can be said? The greatest movie ever made?


Justin "Greaseman" Brusino is always bitching that the Italians don't get enough respect from Frights. So here. Argento gets his own section. Now back off, Greaseman.

Deep Red (1975), Inferno (1980), Phenomena aka Creepers (1985) - Man, all the films from Argento's awesome period run together for me. They don't make sense, but they look artistic and they have lots of blood. I think Phenomena has a monkey with a switchblade.


Everyone's favorite section. These movies have been kept from you for years -- and for good reason. Actually shitting yourself is a real possibility when you watch them.

Blood Harvest (1987) - Wait till Justin sees Tiny Tim as an evil clown. He is going to cry piss. Seriously though, this looks fucked up.

Ogroff aka The Mad Mutilator (1983) - Someone in France in the 80s tried to make a splatter film in their backyard. And no one ever saw it. Luckily, Frights has secured a rip from a vhs that's only about 78 dupes removed from the original shit-quality master. It's easier to take if you watch it with sunglasses on. You're welcome.

Things (1989) - This was supposed to be at last Frights, but then the magnificent bastards at Intervision Pictures announced a special edition DVD release. That DVD has been making sexy eyes at me from my coffee table for the past month and a half. Look at the cover art. It's a like a magic eye picture.


Lots of secret premieres this year. Two of them are some brutal, nihilistic shit rated "lifers only" though. Also, there's yet another anthology. Pretty stacked.


Friday, July 1, 2011


February Fights presents...


We took last February's criticisms of "too shitty" and "too boring" and "February Shits" to heart. This time, the slate is a small group of VIPs only.


These are just regular good movies.

3:15 (1986) - This is the R-rated precursor to Three O'Clock High. Adam Baldwin has to meet this gang after school to have a chain fight or something. The Fights crowd has a well-documented bloodthirst for school bullies getting iced in movies.

10 to Midnight (1983) - This is where Cannon Films was like, "Get Bronson back in here. We're gonna cross Death Wish with a slasher movie." It's like one of those gas station things that's a hot dog, but it's made out of cheeseburger. And it's sizzling.

Cohen & Tate (1988) - Yeah, Adam Baldwin again. He's all up in this piece. Doing some hitman vs. hitman shit with the mighty Roy Scheider here. I love on the box art how the police car is bursting into flames and the other car appears to be triumphantly plowing through a sawhorse.

Crack House (1989) - This is a movie from the director of Death Spa and it's called Crack House. What do I have to do here? A geometry proof?

Gymkata (1985) - In '85, some dude thought it would be cool to put a gymnast from the Olympics in a movie where he mixes gymnastics and karate. It's been made fun of ever since. Screenshots look like he's somehow using balance beams and uneven bars and shit to fight people in the jungle.

McBain (1991) - February Fights audiences fell in love with director James Glickenhaus for his entries The Solider and Shakedown. We've invited him back cause he also made this movie where Christopher Walken has an Uzi.


These movies promote a general climate of graphic violence toward women, children, pets and the elderly. Not recommended for the more sensitive Fights fans.

Blood Games (1989) - Apparently this thing has a traveling hot chick baseball team play against a redneck men's team and beat them, causing the rednecks to get all stung and violent and rapey. Then the women kill their asses with crossbows. Seriously, this is an actual movie. It's 90 minutes long.

The Mad Foxes (1981) - Sleazebomb about a dude trying to get revenge on a murderous biker gang that's committing every gross atrocity in the book. Look how good it looks. He's about to blast that Nazi bondage guy. "Could seriously disturb you."

Tenement: Game of Survival (1985) - Some violent druggies lay siege to a tenement building full of civilians. For some reason, they're, like, busting up old people. The oldheads presumably turn the tables? Is that possible?


The section where legends are born. Legends about people too crazy to live.

Action U.S.A. (1989) - What in the hell can I write here that wouldn't be drowned out by the sound of that box art? I may have to watch this before the damn festival even starts. Even the burned disc of it on my coffee table is making a noise like an engine revving.

The Ninja Mission (1984) - Remember War Dog? This is the Swedes' ultra-gorey karate version of that. I don't know the plot. I think there are just little bits of story between people swording each other in the face.

Revolt (1986) - I can't even find an IMDB page for this ultra-mysterious purported avant-retarde classic. Its existence has thus far been confined to cicada-like appearances on used Greek VHS copies. This is what we at Fights refer to as an "Event Film."


Friday, March 25, 2011


October Frights presents...


We're back with the carnage candy.


First there were Killer Kiddies, then Killer Parents. You knew monkeys were coming.

Link (1986) - I've always loved that artwork, but it never dawned on me why this movie would be called Link until literally one minute ago. For some reason, I'm less excited about it now.

Primal Rage (1988) - I don't get if this is about a killer monkey or a dude who's turning into a monkey or what, but either way, it looks awesome. And it was made by Italians, so it's probably stupid and bloody.

Shakma (1990) - Instant Replay, the video store of my youth, for some reason had an "18 or Older" sticker on this movie. Pretty sure it's not living up to that shit.


Who doesn't love one of these? In the grand tradition of last October's Slaughter High, we give you the "more" you asked for.

The Dorm That Dripped Blood (1982) - An itchy, oily golden-era slasher, newly restored and uncut -- and on blu-ray(!) -- from our good friends at Synapse Films. I just hope they don't mess with that special "shot through a screen door" look.

Graduation Day (1981) - One of those pieces of shit that just fits the program really well.

The Redeemer: Son of Satan (1978) - It's also known as Class Reunion Massacre, which seems like a good sign. I rented it on VHS way back and never watched it and had to pay a late fee, so I'm going in with a grudge.


When Truth or Dare?: A Critical Madness scrambled brains and stole hearts last October, we realized that late '80s no-budget nutbars have aged to peak flavor RIGHT NOW.

Don't Panic (1988) - Gonzo Mexican ripoff of Nightmare on Elm Street. The picture is so video-y that it feels like it's exfoliating your eyeballs.

Killing Spree (1987) - No way this shit was ever supposed to get past VHS. Look at the box art. It's like it's sweating.

Splatter Farm (1987) - Jesus. This artwork makes me think of when I was a kid and videos like "Man in the Box" would come on MTV and I'd be like, "Why is this like this? I feel unhappy."


Just be happy there are only two.

Spookies (1986) - If I had painted that cover, I would have been like, "I just slam dunked my goal of achieving something in life. Time to take it easy."

Things (1989) - Watching this makes you thirsty for cheap, metallic-tasting beer. The shame of Canada.


Part two's that don't get much play. Maybe for good reason.

The Fly II (1989) - Pretty sure this movie is minor Fitzgerald, but it brings it with the makeup effects. That gets you in the door around here.

Fright Night Part II (1988) - Probably not good, right? You can't even get this thing in widescreen unless you trade some dork for it like I did.

Maniac Cop 2 (1990) - Maniac Cop 1 was some dainty Merchant Ivory type shit. Word is, the series sacks up in this one.


The creamy goodness.

Amsterdamned (1988) - Dutch slasher with a scuba diver killer. Tough call.

Anguish (1987) - I've already watched this and it's good. At the beginning, it says it's hypnotizing you, which seems stupid, but then your eyes start itching and feeling like they're being poked. And I kept thinking I was seeing a bug crawl up the wall. Recommended.

Cthulhu Mansion (1992) - The hate mail for The Unnamable 1 and 2 just dried up, so we're clear for another H.P. Lovecraft joint. This one's from two-time Frights Palme d'Or winner (for Pieces and Slugs) J.P. Simon. Should at least be splattery.

Killer Workout (1987) - Since Frights is always getting requests for "more movies like Death Spa," here's this. Action fans note, it is no-shit from director of Deadly fuckin Prey.

The Rejuvenator (1988) - Man, doesn't this make you wish you could go to the video store and shit like this would be the new stuff on the Horror rack? We used to have it all. What the hell happened?

Without Warning (1980) - And finally, the return of Greydon Clark, the director of The Uninvited, the only film to ever have an encore screening at Frights. This time, there's no sock puppet cat creature, but there is an alien that looks like a pile of hockey gear.