Friday, July 1, 2011


February Fights presents...


We took last February's criticisms of "too shitty" and "too boring" and "February Shits" to heart. This time, the slate is a small group of VIPs only.


These are just regular good movies.

3:15 (1986) - This is the R-rated precursor to Three O'Clock High. Adam Baldwin has to meet this gang after school to have a chain fight or something. The Fights crowd has a well-documented bloodthirst for school bullies getting iced in movies.

10 to Midnight (1983) - This is where Cannon Films was like, "Get Bronson back in here. We're gonna cross Death Wish with a slasher movie." It's like one of those gas station things that's a hot dog, but it's made out of cheeseburger. And it's sizzling.

Cohen & Tate (1988) - Yeah, Adam Baldwin again. He's all up in this piece. Doing some hitman vs. hitman shit with the mighty Roy Scheider here. I love on the box art how the police car is bursting into flames and the other car appears to be triumphantly plowing through a sawhorse.

Crack House (1989) - This is a movie from the director of Death Spa and it's called Crack House. What do I have to do here? A geometry proof?

Gymkata (1985) - In '85, some dude thought it would be cool to put a gymnast from the Olympics in a movie where he mixes gymnastics and karate. It's been made fun of ever since. Screenshots look like he's somehow using balance beams and uneven bars and shit to fight people in the jungle.

McBain (1991) - February Fights audiences fell in love with director James Glickenhaus for his entries The Solider and Shakedown. We've invited him back cause he also made this movie where Christopher Walken has an Uzi.


These movies promote a general climate of graphic violence toward women, children, pets and the elderly. Not recommended for the more sensitive Fights fans.

Blood Games (1989) - Apparently this thing has a traveling hot chick baseball team play against a redneck men's team and beat them, causing the rednecks to get all stung and violent and rapey. Then the women kill their asses with crossbows. Seriously, this is an actual movie. It's 90 minutes long.

The Mad Foxes (1981) - Sleazebomb about a dude trying to get revenge on a murderous biker gang that's committing every gross atrocity in the book. Look how good it looks. He's about to blast that Nazi bondage guy. "Could seriously disturb you."

Tenement: Game of Survival (1985) - Some violent druggies lay siege to a tenement building full of civilians. For some reason, they're, like, busting up old people. The oldheads presumably turn the tables? Is that possible?


The section where legends are born. Legends about people too crazy to live.

Action U.S.A. (1989) - What in the hell can I write here that wouldn't be drowned out by the sound of that box art? I may have to watch this before the damn festival even starts. Even the burned disc of it on my coffee table is making a noise like an engine revving.

The Ninja Mission (1984) - Remember War Dog? This is the Swedes' ultra-gorey karate version of that. I don't know the plot. I think there are just little bits of story between people swording each other in the face.

Revolt (1986) - I can't even find an IMDB page for this ultra-mysterious purported avant-retarde classic. Its existence has thus far been confined to cicada-like appearances on used Greek VHS copies. This is what we at Fights refer to as an "Event Film."