HOLIDAY HORRORS '12

Frights Group presents...

HOLIDAY HORRORS '12

This slate is a handful of premieres and some Horrors favorites that we haven't watched in a few years. If I'm missing a title you want, feel free to request anything from Horrors' vast library of past entries.

TURKEY TIME

***Opening Night Premiere*** ThanksKilling 3 - Holy shit, right? They made another ThanksKilling! And they skipped part 2! This is likely to be the drunkest, sloppiest screening in Horrors history. I'm gonna have to tarp the living room like it's a fucking Gwar concert.

 Home Sweet Home (1981) - We've only screened this film once. I think everyone's afraid to revisit it. It's so cheap and awkward that it's practically an art film. And it's got so much...of the "Body By Jake" guy. We're gonna have syringes of fake PCP for this one. So we can squirt the cat and shit during the boring parts.

CHRISTMAS CLASSICS

Elf (2003) - Sarah's still stewing about the Ghost Dad bait-and-switch at Frights, so I promise we're showing Elf, which reliably floats around her "top three films of all time" list.

It's a Wonderful Life (1946) - What can be said? The ultimate. One of Horrors' favorite movies in any genre.

The Ref (1994) - New to Horrors. The disc smells so strongly of the 90s that it made me cough and flannel came out.

STOCKING STUFFERS

Campfire Tales: The Fright Before Xmas (1991) - I think the idea of this film is, when your kids are like five or six, you show it to them and be like, "Look. If you grow up and do murder, then Satan Claus will come on Xmas Eve and shred your ass and it will be shot on video." It's only like twenty minutes long because kids have short attention spans at that age.

Tim and Eric Chrimbus Special (2010) - I haven't even watched it yet and I'm already sad that at some point I will have already watched it.

The Twilight Zone: Night of the Meek (1959) - This is a cursed Horrors entry. It's been on the lineup multiple times, but never been watched. One year the disc was bad. Another year someone complained that it didn't have enough chainsaw murder and we canceled it. So here it is again.

HOLIDAY HORRORS

***Holiday Horrors Opening Night Premiere*** Silent Night (2012) - As if ThanksKilling 3 didn't already cement this as a major year for Horrors, we've got a goddamn remake of Silent Night, Deadly Night! It could suck, but it looks violent and it's got Donal Logue playing the Santa Claus killer, so wait--it already doesn't suck!

Black Christmas (1974) - Maybe the original Holiday Horrors film. Of all Christmas horror films, this one has the best cold, dark, snowy, Canadian atmosphere. Answer the phone, Billy wants to talk sex on you! 

Christmas Evil aka You Better Watch Out (1980) - Sarah's never seen this, so two years of Moss Garcia references have been really confusing for her. Now's the time to bring her in on what a little shithead Moss is. And how awesome this movie is.

Elves (1989) - I've wanted to bring this one back forever. I've been waiting for an upgrade to Horrors' shitty VHS-rip copy, but alas, no one gives a shit about Elves and it's never getting a new transfer. We'll just have to grit our teeth while the low resolution of VHS struggles to render Dan Haggerty's beard. It does, however, help to obscure the fact that the elf (there's only one) is made out of a Boglin with paper-mache around it.

Tales of the Third Dimension (1984) - Believe it or not, this is another biggie for Horrors. I read about it several years ago -- a 3-D anthology film never released on home video with one segment set on Christmas involving a grandmother trying to kill some children. I had to have it. But year after year of Horrors, the film never turned up. Last year, I actually tracked down an address for the producer and mailed him a letter asking how I could see the film. No luck. But then last January, I managed to acquire a copy via illegitimate interweb circuits. This bastard has been on the cooling rack for 11 fucking months. I can't wait to finally roll it. Oh, and that pic is the robotic skeleton that hosts the movie.

YOU'RE WELCOME FROM SATAN CLAUSE.